Monday, 30 December 2013

And A Happy New Year

Celebrated Herald Sun psychic The Great and Mysterious Tim Blair strikes again. Of his master list of 2014 predictions, these were among my favourites:

An international oil conglomerate led by the French Total company secures drilling rights to independent senator Nick Xenophon’s hair.

A Twitter conflict between British CNN host Piers Morgan and Australian lawn bowls enthusiast Neville Clayton results in Morgan facing six deliveries from the 72-year-old at Sydney’s Camperdown Bowling and Recreation Park. Morgan suffers only slight cuts and bruises.

After being denied access to Uluru, four Swedish tourists climb Clive Palmer.

A petition calling for increased ABC funding is tabled in parliament. All 1285 signatories are staffers at the broadcaster’s 15-minute-per-week Media Watch program.

Kim Beasley consults defamation lawyers after being described in print as a “former Labor leader.” A spokesman for Beasley says that his preferred phrasing is “former Labor leader who is not Mark Latham, Kevin Rudd or Julia Gillard.”

The first patient to be successfully treated under US President Barack Obama’s breakthrough universal healthcare system is an unnamed Michigan housewife whose procedure to correct a deviated septum cost her $1.2 million and all feeling in the left side of her body.

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