Thursday, 27 June 2013

The Lord of the Rings

I will leave you to allocate ALP leadership roles to the characters portrayed below.

But I'll give you a few hints.

Frodo has carried the Ring through a long and arduous journey to the cracks of Mount Doom.

On this long and arduous journey, Frodo has been stalked by a horrid little creature that was once what he was - a Ring-Bearer. The horrid little creature, called Gollum, has become obsessed with the Ring and wants it back. He follows Sam and Frodo, and serves them to the best of his ability so as to be close to the Ring. But eventually he betrays them and tries to have them eaten by a giant spider, so as to claim the Ring back. However, they survive and escape.

So here we are, at the crack of Mount Doom. Frodo is about to throw the Ring in and destroy it, when he decides that actually he will keep the Ring for his own power and aggrandisement. But all this time, Gollum has been sneaking along behind them. He leaps - and snaps! - and the Ring is his.

For a while, anyway.

Wednesday, 26 June 2013

You'll Be Soorryyyyy ...

I can see that I need to post this again:

A Trip Down Amnesia Lane

 Here, for my readers' benefit, are just some of the reasons they shouldn't be glad if Ruddy comes back.


Warning: this last one is agonising to watch. You have to listen to him and KOB for AGES. And then at the end of it all, his dummy-spit isn't very interesting. (I also road-tested the 'swearing outtakes' video, and even that was dull.)

Tuesday, 25 June 2013

Nowhere to Run To, Baby

Nowhere to hide ...

And they're off and racing in the 14 September Carnival.


Rob Oakeshott won't contest his seat of Lyne, even though he is happy to tell the world what a fine job he's been doing. And of course he's not standing down because he's going to get thrashed, and quite possibly tarred and feathered.

No, it's because 'The demands on an Independent MP in a regional seat are very high. It is for this reason that I cannot bring myself to commit to the coming three years.

It is out of respect for my community, for the role of Members of Parliament, and the commitment and time required to do the job, that I make today’s announcement.'

So really, he's doing it because he's a fine person, inside and out. Of course he is. And he proudly reminds us of his role in the debacle of the last three years:

'Three years ago, a supply and confidence agreement was reached to allow the commissioning of a Prime Minister and for a Parliament to start.

I am pleased we have reached the full three years, supply has been delivered, and confidence in the Parliament has also been delivered. The fact that we are now at the second last sitting day of a full three-year term is proof of this.'

Uh huh. And the other proof of Oakeshott's fine work would be the massive budget black hole, a divided country, a snarling caucus, a cowardly attempt by the Attorney General to gag free speech, the introduction of taxes that didn't raise revenue, uncosted national financial schemes that promise much and deliver nothing, and a tissue of lies spun by the Prime Minister's Office on a daily basis.
Good one, Rob. We, the voters of Australia, award you a standing ovation. Or rather, we would, if you were actually going to contest your seat. Which you aren't. Even though you've been doing such a fine job there, by your own account.

Meanwhile, Australia's other contender for the coveted role of Least Popular Independent, Tony Windsor, will also not be contesting his seat. Instead, he pleads health issues and a desire to spend more time with his family. In fact, Windsor says he wants to take his 21 year old son to Africa.

Once again, the voters of Australia salute you, Tony. In the absence of being able to chuck you out of your seat personally, I would be glad to endorse a 0.005% addition to the Medicare levy to allow us to buy you a one-way ticket there.

Monday, 24 June 2013

Knit 1, Purl 2

I've got some knitting ideas for the Prime Minister.

1) She could help our Defence Forces cope with increasing budget cuts and inferior equipment:

2) How about knitting some new voters? (If she starts now, the ALP might just scrape across the line by September.)
These ones come from a 'MummyBlogger' pattern, but there are other patterns available, including 'RustedOnALP', 'Hipster' and 'PollHatingSpeechWriter'.

3) And here's the obvious answer to the car manufacturing problem in Australia.

So far I haven't found any knitting patterns for budget surpluses, money, industries or small businesses. But I'll keep looking.

Sunday, 23 June 2013

Willy Wonka and the Labor Party

Thank you to all of you who did your homework and sent me such amusing answers.

The correct answer is, of course, that we've now made the transition from The Court Jester to Willy Wonka and the Labor Party.

So far Augustus Gloop has been sucked through the chocolate extraction pipe system and sent to the Fudge Room for drinking too greedily from the chocolate river of electoral goodwill.
Now Violet Beauregarde has almost completed her transformation into a giant blueberry after chewing the Misogyny Gum. Any minute now, she should explode.

And all the while, those Oompa Loompas keep singing about it, in between perving at Kate Ellis’ legs.

Monday, 17 June 2013

Quadrant QED Posts, 2013

For more QED posts, see:  

QED Posts, 2009
QED Posts, 2010
QED Posts, 2011
QED Posts, 2012

The facts of life
July 15, 2013
The child is the father of the man, but it's still handy to know a little about his grandfather's DNA. Single mums by choice, please take note

Why Quigley pulled his own plug
July 12, 2013
It may be that the NBN chief jumped before he was pushed, but his motive is of academic interest in comparison with the goild-plated mega-mess he has left behind.

Consistent to the final drop
June 26, 2013
Julia Gillard has left the stage as she governed, which is to say in a billow of delusion, victimhood and, to put it bluntly, more of the same old lies

Fresh from the zoo, Obama's latest ambassador
June 24, 2013
Diplomats come and diplomats go, but seldom has Australia seen a US envoy boasting the credentials of John Berry

Aside from cold pies, what's on Shorten's mind?
June 23, 2013
Loyal backer of our beleagured Prime Minister? Numbers man with a shifty eye for the main chance? With apologies to the late Danny Kaye, the next few days should establish if he is prepared to grab the goblet or let this cup pass him by. Then again, maybe not

Roxon: Gone, unmourned and best forgotten
June 18, 2013If you really need another example of what is wrong with today's Labor, look no further the departing figure of Nicola Roxon.

Girls and women, heed the Gillard example
June 14, 2013
She owes her place to quotas and those union boys who opened the door to the Lodge and have not yet decided to evict her. There's a lesson there, but not one our gender-persecuted PM is ever likely to preach

The Rudd we've never known
June 13, 2013
A leading pundit sees in the ousted Labor leader the seeds of greatness. He must have confused him with another fair-haired and slightly less annoying Queenslander

May 17, 2013
Round up the usual suspect cliches and hoary myths -- the dubious documentarian will tap them all as he turns his camera's selective focus on pallid Australia's oppression of Aborigines
May 15, 2013
Our Prime Minister had need of Kleenex when introducing the NDIS to Parliament. So what is she has to cry about? 

May 6, 2013
That notion of parallel universes, so beloved of science fiction writers, is no longer a mere theory. If we are to judge by Julia Gillard's assertion that her party will carry the day on September 14, the one she inhabits must be a wonderful place indeed 

May 1, 2013
A multiple-personalities diagnosis has not stopped a Melbourne embezzler being sent away for a stretch of hard time. Many voters will wish to see the same legal principle observed in September 

April 27, 2013
With the cost of so-called 'morning after' pill poised to be underwritten and all the usual suspects cheering, recall all those assurances that sex ed would greatly reduce unwanted pregnancy. It didn't and this won't  

April 11, 2013
Four happy scholarships winners are off to Oxford and Cambridge in the name of fostering Indigenous achievement. The thing is, though, the recipients already boast lustrous CVs. What about a little help for Aborigines who have not yet got afoot on the ladder? 

April 2, 2013
If ABC movie critic Margaret Pomerantz did not know Franklin Delano Roosevelt had feet of clay when it came to marital fidelity, it can only be because she chose not wonder what was beneath those trousers pooled at his ankles  

March 11, 2013
Antony Green's legs were new, the sausage-sizzle spear-carriers weren't, and the spectacle of a born-to-the-purple Baby Beazely coming a cropper was quite simply delicious 

February 12, 2013
Until white smoke rises over the Vatican, predicting who will lead the Catholic Church is going to be a game to keep many "informed" sources very busy
February 8, 2013
If profits are common property, as our Treasurer seems to believe, let's all claim a share of with the wealth he has created. Please, stop laughing....
February 2, 2013
Labor's ship is foundering and some of the nastiest creatures Australian political life has seen in living memory are bolting for their comfy, pension-padded holes behind the skirting board. Hallelujah!
January 25, 2013
The campaign to regulate speech and save the preciously sensitive from offence has added the name of Basil fawlty to its long and growing list of unlikely martyrs. What's next, neutering Mrs Slocombe's animal companion?  

January 22, 2013
A perfectly presentable Labor senator from the Northern Territory has been bumped by prime ministerial edict, to be replaced by an Indigenous woman who is not even a member of the ALP. Tokenism, anyone?  

January 14, 2013
Journalism is history's first draft, but sometimes a re-write gets much closer to the truth.
The usual suspects (Doomed Planet)
January 9, 2013
It is only a draft copy of the IPCC's next report and a leaked one at that, but the names of the Australasian section's authors are unlikely to be revised. That's the thing about making a career in warmism -- it's good, solid, dependable work.   

January 7, 2013

Does a green-dipped sense of moral superiority give an anti-coal activist the right to mount a hoax that throws the stock market into turmoil? That's a question it may well fall to the courts to decide.
January 3, 2013
If Jenny Macklin ever shacks up with Adam Bandt,  they will find the welfare system offers adjustments and rewards for cohabitation. There is even a little calculator to work it all out.

  January 1, 2013

Funny thing about people whose wealth attracts the attention of those determined to redistribute it: the well-heeled can afford the sharpest accountants


Quadrant QED Posts, 2012

For more QED posts, see:

QED Posts, 2009

QED Posts, 2010

QED Posts, 2011

QED Posts, 2013

Harassment? Well, that depends...December 12, 2012
If you work for a member of parliament, especially a Federal one, you might like to think about the following.

Bob Carr, blind to all but the main chance
December 4, 2012
John Faulkner has begged the NSW branch of the ALP to clean up its act. This would be the same NSW where our unelected Foreign Minister Bob Carr was Labor Premier from 1995-2005.

Gillard's less-than-shining knight

November 27, 2012
Bruce Wilson has finally emerged and said that his ex-girlfriend of 17 years ago knew nothing about his profitable slush fund and other unusual financial activities.

Wither my free speech?

November 24, 2012
I drive to work along Stirling Highway, and on the way I pass the electoral office of the Member for Cottesloe, who also happens to be the Premier of Western Australia. On Fridays, it’s not uncommon to see a very, very small group of protesters outside this office. They are mostly female and of indeterminate age and sexual orientation, so I probably shouldn’t speculate on either.

Let's have a proper probe
November 14, 2012

There ought to be a Royal Commission, and so say all of us. I think everyone will be very happy to see that decades of child abuse are finally being investigated by the highest moral authorities in the land (the ABC, the Fairfax press, and the Gillard government).

A deluded feminism's real damage
November 12, 2012
My Quadrant Online colleague Steve Kates is in the crosshairs for daring to note that modern feminism has produced a bitter harvest. Those screams of outrage? Sometimes the truth hurts.
November 9, 2012
It seems some academics are finding a lucrative little money-spinner, or so authorities assert. Let us hail the profit motive, if not the debasement of our universities that has brought it to the fore.

Early Christmas for the ARC crew
November 6, 2012
No need to wait for Santa if you are one of the recipients of 2013's research grants because the goodies are in the mail. As expected, projects focusing on climate change do very, very well.

Rocky dawn of that Asian Century
October 31, 2012
Kevin Rudd had a reputation for airborne surliness when still jetting about the world, as a balled-out flight attendant could testify. Just lately he has missed a chance to redeem himself.

Wives and mothers-in-law first
October 25, 2012
The polls strongly suggest the Gillard government is a sinking ship, which may explain why Labor insiders are lining up at the purser's office to make their withdrawals.

Australia comes of age, like really
By Ainu Campbell-Barracks October 19, 2012
Australia bags a seat on the Security Council! Surely this is our nation's greatest achievement since the stump-jump plough.

Rogue citizen alert!
October 15, 2012
An unauthorised visitor to Parliament House has landed in a bit of trouble. Didn't he know the right ways to mix and mingle with Canberra's servants of the people?

How to offend Julia Gillard
October 9, 2012
Union ripoff artists, dirty texters, a brothel buff on the cross-bench and whispering catalysts for an Australia Day race riot don't ruffle the PM in the least. But point out her tolerance for crooks, sleaze and spivs and the shrieks will be deafening.

Goring the right ox
October 8, 2012
So, you thought honesty is a universal concept. Not for those on the left, where consistency is a very fluid concept.

Free speech saves lives
September 13, 2012
Use your words, parents tell tantrum-prone toddlers. The same advice applies to Muslim mobs whose readiness to take offence has so often erupted in violence and bloodshed.

A gay-marriage tax?
September 7, 2012
If all those smokers were to quit their habit, Prime Minister Gillard would need to find something else to tax.

Gillard's incorrigible dunces
September 5, 2012
Another day, another election-inspired plan to “fix” education. Expect more waste, cant and the profligate incompetence that this government has made its hallmark.

Hiding Behind Her Own Skirts
August 24, 2012
How dare they, those sexist brutes! Why, if a male lawyer had set up a bogus bank account for a light-fingered lover no one would have had a harsh word. That's what our PM wants you to believe

News from a parallel universe
August 22, 2012
Calls for an inquiry into the Reserve Bank are all very well and good, but isn’t there another target whose dirty laundry is worth a public washing?

August 17, 2012
A reader's guide to cartoonist Pickering's ongoing coverage of our Prime Minister's misadventures, amorous and otherwise, with former beau Bruce Wilson and those AWU bank accounts.

August 7, 2012
Here are some of the ways in which the NDIS - a scheme which is supposed to help genuinely disadvantaged people who are doing it really, really tough - could have been funded from as far back as 2007, when this government was first elected.
August 4, 2012
Now it’s just getting plain weird. A roomful of painfully embarrassed people will witness Australia’s clown prince of economics and unreconstructed distributivist Wayne Swan engage in death-defying feats of Dad-trying-to-be-cool.

July 24, 2012
UPDATED. Did you know that climate change will impact upon our sheds, our ability to reason, our food supply, our newspapers, our Trekkies, and - most surprisingly of all - former Australian Attorney-General H V Evatt?

June 20, 2012
I see Gina Rinehart raising an invisible two fingers to the Gillard government, the ABC, and indeed an entire host of people who I wouldn’t cross the street for if my life depended on it.

May 25, 2012
Take my advice and he could have a nice career ahead of him as an after-dinner speaker and even have his own talk show.

May 22, 2012
When a very public person is innocent of a crime of which they have been accused, what do they do?

May 14, 2012
At the weekend, Craig Thomson claimed that he has been set up. Here are some suggestions which he might like to pursue as possible explanations.

May 9, 2012
Spending someone else’s money on dinners and hookers and plane fares is pretty much illegal; that should be fairly obvious. But if he bankrolled his election campaign with union funds, Thomson can argue that he had ample precedent.

April 18, 2012
James Delingpole began his tour of Australia in Perth last night and when he opened the floor up to questions that we really saw him in his element.

April 16, 2012
So why has Bob Brown stepped down?

April 5, 2012
Isn’t it reassuring to think that all along we had an arts sector that thrived on lack of funding - that positively cried out not to be subsidised, as this would surely strangle the muse?

March 10, 2012
No wonder payback has proved unstoppable in remote Aboriginal communities — no one is actually trying to stop it.  

March 2, 2012
Wayne Swan, on around $270,000 a year, minimum, not counting his allowances, tells us that the super-rich (viz., people much richer than Wayne Swan) are trying to poison our country.

March 1, 2012
While every other headline in Australian newspapers on this troubled issue of child protection focused on the need to overhaul Victorian state government services  your ABC decided that, as usual, the real culprit was organised religion.

February 19, 2012
Kevin Rudd and the ‘porn star”.

February 16, 2012
What most people seem to overlook in this ongoing and fascinating scandal is exactly what union this is. Just whose money are these people mismanaging and quite possibly misusing?

February 9, 2012
Being the life and times of Peter Slipper.

January 31, 2012
Gary Oldman’s wonderful, but only because you know he’s not being Gary Oldman’s usual screen self. Instead he just potters about with a big pair of glasses on.

January 20, 2012
This really is serious news: given the state of the rest of the economy, we may be looking at a Wiggles-led recovery in 2012.